


No More Need for Words

by 2tubborn2hiipper



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Language, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, RP, Tears, how can you not expect swearing, karkat's in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-20 00:51:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1490635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2tubborn2hiipper/pseuds/2tubborn2hiipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Karkat… Do You Require An Emergency Feelings Jam?”<br/>“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT NO."</p><p>In Which Karkat is a Butt and Kanaya is Understanding</p>
            </blockquote>





	No More Need for Words

**Author's Note:**

> This is a pale KarKan fic I wrote, using an RP my friend and I wrote. It was too sweet and painful to leave as an rp, so I converted it. The quirks are in there, since we were typing with the quirks and I had to copy and paste the dialogue.  
> There will Probably be a chapter two soon. *Probably* being the key word.

“AT LEAST THE RETARDED FUCKING JUGGALO WASN'T YOUR SHITSTAIN OF OF MOIRAIL. WORST PALE RELATIONSHIP IN HISTORY OF PARADOX SPACE, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THINKING? DON'T ANSWER THAT. AS PER USUAL PAST ME WAS A COMPLETE MORON IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD AND PROBABLY WASN'T THINKING TO BEGIN WITH” Karkat grumbled, as Kanaya sat calmly in a chair next to the bed he was cross-legged on. They were both reading, having small conversations now and again before the topic of Gamzee had come up.  
“Karkat… Do You Require An Emergency Feelings Jam?” She asked, slightly concerned. He had been muttering for about half an hour now, and she had hoped starting a conversation with him would help him open up. It wasn’t working, so she decided to be more direct about it.

“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT NO. EVEN IF I WAS CLOSE ENOUGH TO RECEIVE YOUR, I'M SURE, GENTLE PAPS, I DON'T WANT TO MOVE IN ON THE ROSE HUMAN'S TERRITORY. THAT SHIT AINT GONNA FLY KANAYA.”

"Rose Understands The Quadrants Enough To Know The Difference Between A Moiralleigiance And A Matespritship, I Am Sure She Would Not Mind, Especially In The Event Of An Emergency Papping.” She placed her bookmark on her page and closed the book, setting it down on the floor next to her.

“SO YOU GUYS ARE IN A MATESPRITSHIP TOGETHER? CAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW IF IT WAS PALE OR RED OR BOTH AND CRAP, I FEEL LIKE I'M ABOUT TO AGREE WITH FUCKING EGBERT, BUT OUR ROMANCE CAN BE OVER COMPLICATED AT TIMES. BASICALLY, I DON'T WANT TO WRECK WHAT YOU HAVE WITH HER, I KNOW IT MAKES YOU HAPPY, WHATEVER IT IS.” He shifted a little, hunching his shoulders down. Kanaya recognised that look. He always pulled that face when he wanted something but didn’t know how to ask for it. She smiled, glad that he cared enough to try to not jeopardise her relationship with Rose

“It Is Sweet Of You To Consider Her Into The Factors Karkat. I Do Hope You Will Be Able To Find The Same Happiness I Have. Have You Settled On A Quadrant With The Dave Human Yet?”

His face instantly brightened with a rush of blood, and he stared at her in shock. He blinked once, twice before grabbing a pillow and hiding his face in it. 

“KANAYA. WHY? WHY DO YOU DO THESE THINGS?” He asked, muffled by the pillow clutched to his face.

She hid a chuckle behind her hand before standing up.

“I Am Only Asking, Dear. It Is Quite Difficult To Tell Most Days Whether You Two Are Pale, Red, Or Even Black.”

“WHO THE FUCK EVEN KNOWS?” He groaned. He crawled off the bed and under it, hiding. His muffled voice came out from under the mattress. “KANAYA, I CAN'T DO IT. I KNOW I'M MEANT TO BE THE "ROMANCE EXPERT" AND THE SO-CALLED LEADER AND WHATEVER ELSE, BUT I CAN'T. I CAN'T DO ROMANCE. BEING AROUND HIM, ARGH, IT’S INFURIATING! I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SLIP UP AND SAY OR DO THE WRONG THING OR THAT THERE ARE CONSTANTLY SOME FORM OF SMALL FEATHER-BEASTS FLUTTERING AROUND MY STOMACH. I'M DONE. NO MORE QUADRANTS. I'LL JUST WAIT HERE.” 

Kanaya smiled, quickly pulling out her chainsaw to break the bed. There was a startled choked screech of fear, and then Karkat was glaring up at her from the surrounding pile of stuffing and wood.

“There, There, Karkat. Shoosh.” She said, papping him gently as he stared. “Have You Tried Talking To Him About It? Explaining Troll Romance To Him Might Help Him Have A Better Grasp Of The Quadrants, And Perhaps He Might Be Able To Help You Decide On Which One You Want Him In.”

“NO, DON'T PAP ME.” He groused, scooting away from her hand like a stubborn child. “I HID UNDER THE BED SPECIFICALLY SO YOU COULDN'T REACH ME. THERE WAS NO NEED TO BRING OUT THE CHAINSAW AND WRECK MY BED MARYAM. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO ALCHEMIZE THAT?” he spared a wistful glance towards the bed. “AND NO, I'VE FOUND HUMANS DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND QUADRANTS, OR MAYBE IT’S JUST ME. MAYBE I'M THE PROBLEM HERE. THAT'S IT! JOHN, TEREZI, FUCKING GAMZEE, AND NOW DAVE. I'M THE COMMON FACTOR HERE. I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS A FUCKING SCREW UP FREAK OF NATURE, BUT THIS JUST TAKES THE CAKE. NOBODY IS ABLE TO STOMACH BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME. EUREKA! WE HAVE A SOLUTION.” He curled his need up to his chest, resting his head on them.

Kanaya sighed, sitting next to him among the mess of the now ruined bed, and reached over to hug him. “Karkat. Calm Down. You Are Not The Only One To Have Had Failed Quadrants Before. And You Know You Can Not Factor Dave Into That Solution. You Two Have Not Even Settled Into A Quadrant, So It Can't Be Failed, Now Can It?”

Karkat huffed, resigning and returning the hug. “WHY KANAYA? WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS RIGHT?” He buried his face into her shoulder, muttering “WAIT. OH FUCK. ONCE AGAIN I AM THE MOST INCONSIDERATE TROLL WHO EVER WALKED THE FACE OF ALTERNIA. SCRATCH THAT. I'M A COMPLETE FUCKING JACKASS. I'M ACTING LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO'S EVER HAD THEIR QUADRANTS FAIL. GOD, I TAKE SELF-CENTERED A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. I'M SORRY KANAYA, THAT YOU ARE FORCED TO DEAL WITH ME ON A REGULAR BASIS.”

“It's Quite Alright Karkat. It Is Perfectly Natural To Be Upset When There Is Quadrant Confusion. Now What We Need To Do Is Figure This Out. You Need To Find Some Way To Talk To The Dave Human, Clearly. But First You Need To Figure Out Just What It Is You Feel For Him.”

“ALRIGHT, JUST GIVE ME A HAND” Karkat began pushing broken bits of wood and mattress stuffing into a suitable pile. She handed him some of the softer bits of stuffing. When it was done, they both sat down again.

“ARGH. WELL, IT’S COMPLICATED. SOMETIMES WHEN HES SPOUTING THOSE RIDICULOUS "SICK BEATS" AND THAT "IRONY" BULLSHIT, IT MAKES ME SO MAD I WANT TO RIP HIS DUMB HUMAN FACE OFF. ITS LIKE HE'S PUTTING UP A FRONT TO SEEM COOL OR WHATEVER, BUT ALL IT DOES IS MAKE HIM SEEM FAKE AND HIDE WHO HE REALLY IS. AND IT’S INFURIATING TO NO END. WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO TEAR THOSE STUPID SHADES OFF HIS FACE, ARGH! BUT THEN THERE ARE TIMES, LIKE WHEN ALL THAT SHIT HAPPENED WITH...... TEREZI. WHEN WE WERE JUST THERE FOR EACH OTHER? AS "BROS"? NOT BULLSHIT, JUST HELPING EACH OTHER THROUGH IT AND HER TOO? MADE ME SEE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SIDE TO HIM. LIKE MAYBE HE'S NOT SO MUCH OF A DOUCHE AS I THOUGHT. WHO KNOWS. THEN THERE ARE TIMES, WHEN HE'S WITH ROSE TALKING, OR HANGING OUT WITH THE MAYOR IN CAN TOWN, OR I'LL BE YELLING AT HIM ABOUT SOMETHING RIDICULOUS, AND WHEN HE THINKS NO ONE CAN SEE, HE'LL SMILE. NOT THAT STUPID SMIRK HE USUALLY SPORTS, BUT A GENUINE SMILE. AND IT JUST MELTS MY BLOOD PUSHER AND I END UP AN UNATTRACTIVE HEAP ON THE FLOOR. SO YEAH, DO YOU SEE WHY I'M CONFUSED? ALSO I HATE HOW THIS IS ONLY ABOUT ME. I'M SURE YOU MUST HAVE PROBLEMS TOO KANAYA. I'M USED TO HELPING PEOPLE, NOT GETTING HELP. THAT'S HOW IT WAS WITH GAMZEE. IT’S JUST WEIRD TO GET USED TO.”

“Well I Suppose, But Right Now We Are Talking About You.” She looped her arms around him and pulled him close for a cuddle. He didn't even resist. “You Know I Think I Might Have A Feeling About What Is Happening Here Karkat.”

He melted into the hug, a slight rumble that he would vehemently deny starting up in his chest. 

“I DON'T FUCKING KNOW KANAYA. IF I DID, DO YOU THINK I'D BE SO WORRIED ABOUT ALL THIS BULLSHIT. WE ALL KNOW, THAT *MAYBE* APART FROM ROSE, YOU ARE THE SMARTEST ONE HERE, SO PLEASE, I BEG YOU, SHARE YOU KNOWLEDGE AND ENLIGHTEN ME TO WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.”

She began patting his hair, massaging around his horns in a soothing manner. “Karkat, Dear, How Can You Not See It? I Am Almost Certain You Are In Human Love With Him. Rose Explained To Me That Human Love Is Like All Of The Quadrants, Together.”

Karkat looked up at her, gaping for a moment, before he started squirming.

“OH GOD, NO. THIS IS TOO MUCH. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. KANAYA LET ME GO. I'M GONNA TAKE A PAGE OUT OF GAMZEE'S BOOK AND HIDE IN THE VENTS FOR A FEW YEARS. MAYBE WHEN I COME OUT THIS WILL ALL GO AWAY. I DOUBT IT, BECAUSE WHEN HAS THE UNIVERSE PASSED UP ON A CHANCE *NOT* TO FUCK ME OVER, BUT I CAN DREAM. SERIOUSLY MARYAM, RELEASE ME! WHEN DID YOU GET SO FUCKING STRONG I'LL DRAW YOU A MAP TO WHERE I'M HIDING, OK? I'M AN EXCELLENT ARTIST, REMEMBER? MY SHIPPING GRIDS ARE AMAZING. BUT FOR NOW, LET ME GO! I NEED SOME TIME TO THINK AND I CAN'T RISK RUNNING INTO STRIDER, I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT RIGHT NOW.” He wriggled out of her grip and tried to head for the door.

Kanaya Looked at him sternly before snapping “Karkat Vantas, You Sit Down Right Now. You Cannot Run From Your Own Feelings”

He sniffed, his eyes tearing up a little.

“BUT I CAN'T. KANAYA. IT’S TOO FUCKING MUCH. HOW DO PEOPLE DEAL WITH THIS? I JUST. CAN'T” He slid down the wall he was leaning on, and Kanaya shifted closer to pull him back into the pile with her. 

“By Realising To Accept the Bad With The Good.” She papped him gently, cuddling him. “There, There. It Is Alright Dear. Shooosh.”

“OH, FUCK IT.” He wrapped his arms around her waist suddenly, nuzzling into her side. “I'LL DEAL WITH ALL THIS AND TALK TO DAVE IN A LITTLE BIT. BUT FOR NOW, CAN WE JUST, STAY LIKE THIS? THANKS KANAYA, I DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE I DESERVE IT, BUT I'M GLAD YOUR'E HERE FOR ME.”

She coughed slightly, surprised by the sudden hug back, but smiled, pulling him closer. “Yes Of Course. We Can Stay Like This However Long You Like. And Don’t Say That. You Deserve Nothing But Happiness.”

He made a distressed noise. “I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE LOUD, SELF-DEPRECATING ASSHOLE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW *HOW* TO BE HAPPY. AND I DON'T DESERVE A FRIEND AS KIND HEARTED AS YOU, THAT'S FOR FUCKING SURE.” He went quiet for a moment, thinking.

“KANAYA, WHAT ARE WE NOW? YOU AND ME, I MEAN.” He asked, not looking up at her.

She smiled and rested her head on his

“We Are Whatever You Wish Us To Be, Sweetheart.” She said softly, kissing the top of his head.

He looked up at her, his eyes open, unguarded for once and full of fear and uncertainty. “LAST TIME I WAS THE ONE TO START A QUADRANT WITH SOMEONE, IT ENDED TERRIBLY. I KNOW I'M MEANT TO BE THE "LEADER" OR WHATEVER AND MAKE ALL THESE TOUGH DECISIONS, BUT THIS IS ONE THING WHERE I DONT WANT TO BE THE ONE TO MAKE IT. I DON'T WANT TO WREAK ONE OF THE ONLY GOOD THINGS I HAVE IN MY SORRY EXCUSE FOR AN EXISTENCE BY CALLING THIS SOMETHING ITS NOT.”

She smiled sweetly, tilting his chin up higher gently, looking into his eyes.

“Darling, If You Haven't Figured It Out By Now, I Am Pale For You. I Only Want To Make You Happy, Help You Find Your Path In Life. Of Course, If You Don't Wish To Define This As A Moiralleigiance, We Don't Have To. But I Want Us To Be Like This.” She pulled him back into a hug.

“I Pity You In The Palest Way One Troll Can Feel For Another, My Dear” She said softly into his hair.

Karkat’s eyes filled with tears, and he screwed his eyes shut just as the first one fell. “ARGH!” he growled to himself, scrubbing at his eyes angrily with his sleeve. Despite his best efforts, the tears kept falling, and he gave up, hiding his face in Kanaya’s shoulder. 

His voice muffled by her shoulder, he blurted out what he was thinking “I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FIND A MOIRAL LIKE YOU. OR THAT I EVEN DESERVED ONE EVEN HALF AND KIND HEARTED, LOVELY AND INTELLIGENT AS YOU. I FEEL THE SAME, I THINK I ALWAY HAVE. WITH GAMZEE-“His voice broke slightly as he shuddered. “-I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE I HAD A CHOICE. EITHER I ENTERED A PALE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM TO KEEP HIM CALM, OR WE ALL DIED. BUT THIS, THIS IS HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO FEEL? ITS IT? THANK YOU SO MUCH KANAYA. THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU” His voice trailed off as he cried more. Kanaya’s heart was breaking, hearing the troll she cared so much for making these sounds. She also knew it was good for him to cry, to let out the stress and pain he’s been feeling since they ended up on the meteor.

She combed her hands through his hair soothingly as his shoulders shook. “Karkat... I Know. It's Alright.” She kissed his head again. “How Could I Not Care For You My Dear? It Means So Much To Me That You Feel The Same. I Was Actually Very Worried You Would Reject Me At First.” She leaned her head on his as her tense muscles relaxed. It was relieving to finally tell him how she felt, to know he felt the same.

He looked up at her, and her blood-pusher stuttered a little at how beautiful he looked then.  
“HOW COULD I NOT FEEL THE SAME?” he said, his voice rough with tears. “I ONLY HOPE I CAN BE HALF A GOOD A MOIRAIL FOR YOU AS YOU ARE FOR ME. SERIOUSLY, I COULD NEVER REJECT YOU, KANAYA. YOU'D HAVE TO BE STUPID AS SHIT TO DO THAT. I MAY NOT BE THE SMARTEST INDIVIDUAL, BUT I KNOW SOMETHING AMAZING WHEN I SEE IT. AND THIS, WHAT THIS IS AND WHAT IT *CAN* BE, IS AMAZING.” He buried back into her side, the small rumble starting up again even as he was still hiccupping little sobs.

She chuckled slightly, attempting to subtly wipe away some tears of her own. “I Can Only Imagine What Happened In Your Time With Makara To Make You Think You Are Not A Perfect Moirail.” She said, as her upper lip curled slightly.

“HE WASN'T YOU.” He said softly. He looked up, noticing the jade tears that had escaped her hand. He kissed her cheek gently and she closed her eyes, feeling the soft touch on her cheek. He curled into her. She smiled softly leaning back and keeping him close so they were lying in the pile together.

As they slowly laced their fingers together, the closed their eyes and relaxed, not sleeping, but comfortable to just stay together, in the safety of each other’s arms.

They both knew there was no more need for words.


End file.
